2-7-2009,Mood:Leave me alone

Today I had a very unimagined day,I thought,My aunt would like O-K with all those pictures(that me and aaron) took.Then now I am like burst in tears,I thought I wouldnt want to know all those Aaron' past.
But just now i am too bored so I flipped on Aaron's frienster comment.I saw he and some girls like you know ''Flirting'' words.I was like.... I don't know anything,my brain gone blanked.Then my tears started to dripped,then I go on Avril's song-My happy Ending(I hear it everything when I am super-sad).I don't know what my tears dripped?!
Then what I get from Imeem,My Happy Ending was like only 30-seconds.
So I changed the song to Leave me alone-The Veronicas.
I remember how strong am i to defeat Love,
I am not afraid of Love,or got hurt.
But after I come to someone I really love,Aaron Soon Ban Loong.
I do really care about him,but I just don't want to know what's his past.
I don't know why all those keep disturbing me.
I've tried to act like nothing happened.I had promised Aaron not to think too much,I am not!
Is just our Love,like an act of A story,a mysterious moments.

I couldn't believe that he and I actually are together.
I was like,before I am fall，I am tough.
After I am with Aaron I found my strength back.
But my strength normally found my old-self(A girl that rejects every guys,and don't give a damn in anything,a girl who always fight for the truth and reality instead of DREAMS)

I can imagine if one day I found my old-self.
I may not be with Aaron.
But Aaron and viewed the other part of myself,that I am courage to live with PEACE.
I am facing all those unknowns and suddens.
The stress facing me as if life is going to break down.
If not,by right now.
I may not know the other part of Life may goes by my bare hands.

Before I am with Aaron.
I aiming myself to be a singer and continue my Band.
Before I am with Aaron.
I admit I do being boy-ish ,I do play skateboard,wear those boys stuff and act boy-ish.
Before I am with Aaron.
I have high thoughts of standing on the stage and enjoy.





What Aaron gave me,the sense of Being a Human living part in Earth.
This sounds crazy,as if he didn't realize,
But I knew these in another angle.
I can see through those angles that people doesnt realize.

Now，
I am currently listening to Leave me alone.
I remember last time I am so damn tough,I use words to fight back those pains.
But now,
no matter how i tried,
I got down.

But i found my music stage and pulls me up again and face the worlds again.
I don't mind about past or rumors or what I've done.
The second thoughts of my Mind,
I wanted to be a Rock Star.
I want to be Solo or either Band=)
(Illusion Seperated)what I named for my band.Hahaha ... is actually a game.


btw,back to Aaron.
I do really love Aaron.
He said he want me to be who I am.
Well,a part of me.
A party girl,A stage girl.I don always show em' to people.
I am now an ordinary girl.
I don't want to think of it anymore.

It gave me full of stress.


Now i realize,
last time i do say
Guys are nothing,i can without them.

Now:
I can't live without:
1.Aaron(4Ls)
2.Love(Friends and Family)
3.Music
4.Stage


They meant so much to me,in a single second turn.